ok this post is going to be slightly in-coherent. cuz i haven't really sorted out my thoughts and all that. hahaha...

so today. was talking to this patient. u know. just getting a history as usual. and just talking to him. asking abt his stroke and his weakness and like. social history and everything. and suddenly. he starts tearing. and starts sharing his life story. with these youngsters who he's never seen. and will probably never meet again. he raised his 10 younger siblings since he was i think 15 or 16. and he wanted to run away and give it all up at 19. but he stuck by them. he took over his dad's business. got a name for himself. he lent money to his siblings. but. as u expect. they din return it. and said that he isn't their older brother. maybe something happened that made them do that. but no matter. i think.

to think thru your life like that. and to have. such sad sad memories. he has like. 10 cars. a couple of sports cars. and a yacht or ship or something that can travel on water la. but. it really doesn't matter. of course. having these things. will make life a lot better. but. u know. (see how i'm being incoherent.)

i think i've nv seen a grown man cry. besides pastor david. yea. and looking at these people. these elderly people. i really miss my granddad. i was nv close to him. i nv talked to him. i like. hated going into the room to say hi to him cuz then i'd feel awkward. he'd always be on his respirator. and his asthma airbag thing. his death nv really got to me i think. i really nv knew him. blame my lousy cantonese. i know the only time i cried was when he was going. and when he was cremated.

'lao le. mei yong le.' isn't that. so sad. to think. each person in the hospital. each person bed bound. in pain. with heart failure. lung cancer. liver cancer. whatever. they must have lived a very full life. i dun think they ever saw themselves here today. ok. i dunno where i'm going with this train of thought.

and just another random thought. i remember this scene from house. there was this lady with lung cancer i think. and cameron was refusing that it was cancer and trying her best to like. find another diagnosis. this lady had no relatives or wat. no spouse. no kids. parents passed away. no siblings. and so in the end she did have lung cancer. and when cameron finally admitted to it. she didn't tell her. but made friends with her and like accompanied her la. then so when house finally forced cameron to tell. she did. and everyone was chiding her that like. she's being too emotional and being sad and everything. and she said. someone should be sad when another person dies. i guess it stuck with me. (with my incoherent-ness i dun think anyone understood the story. haha.) i think it's the saddest ending of someone's life. if. no one is sad when that person dies. no one misses that person. no one to say 'if he/she were here...'.

it's time to treat these patients as people.