the words from above.

"i died for ur sins on easter. and u dun come cuz of laziness? this was the sin i died for. "

"u stay in hall to study. and studying is My will for u. but. u forgot. to depend on Me for strength. how will you receive My strength if u dun go to church to receive My word? "

ok these weren't the exact words. but these were the thoughts that just totally flooded my mind and convicted me. how could i forget? how could i forget the shame and pain that He went thru. for me. and to think i have the audacity to tell Him that i'm too lazy. and i hate travelling alone. He's the King you know. the one and only. the awesomest person that created the stars. the night. the rain. the rainbows. and you small little thing with all ur stains and dirtyness. you shouldn't even be leaving His feet. wat have i done. i crawled off the alter again. how many times have you heard me pray, 'draw near to me'...thank You for pulling me back Lord.

and the second set of words. wow. i nv saw it that way. that by staying in hall for the weekend and everything. i was depending on my own strength to get thru. and not His. i needed Him. He was all i needed. He was ALL i needed. i don't need my grades. i don't need to be in medicine. i can be the lowliest person in the world. and He can still use me. and that is MORE than enough. it's a blessing that i'm here. where has your thankfulness gone? i have drifted soooo far.

and then. i saw a vision. i was kneeling at the feet of the crucified Jesus. in tears and all. and. He came down from the cross. put His arms around me. and then. slowly, all his scars started to heal. the scars from His hands, the scars on his body from the whipping. everything. they slowly started to fade and become new skin. and He said. "if i can heal these injuries and rise from the dead. i'm giving you the power to heal. the power to heal comes from Me." wow. wow. wow. i nv really got a vision from God before. and wow. it's freaking amazing. like. seriously seriously amazing. i'm like. all lost for words. but wow.

and. this awesome God of mine. has rigged my iTunes. and played 'beautiful saviour' just when i needed it. and 'all for love' before that. those were the exact words i needed to hear from Him. amazing stuff. He always rigs my iTunes. which rocks my world.