i wanna say i'm tired. i wanna say i give up. it just hit closer to home cuz most of the ppl who keep me going weren't around. but something in me...God, the Holy Spirit...just something. urges me to keep going. to keep working at it. and i'll reach that place. that place that i know i've done something to make the master proud.

brick walls are there to show you how badly you want it.

i should start listening to wat i'm talking about. i want this. i want it ohhh so badly. what am i doing wrong Lord. can i do anything more? i'm trying. i feel like i'm trying so hard but nothing's happening. ok fine. not say nothing's happening. it's not enough for me. it's NOT ENOUGH. i want more. so this is what it feels like to have an unquenchable thrist for more.

i can do this. go away evil person. we can do this. don't you dare come and steal and destroy wat God made. you can't touch this shit. don't u dare come and put doubts in my heart that we can do this. go away. we are untouchable. GO AWAY. stop it. leave me alone. stop putting these thoughts in my head.

i am NOT alone. ok fine even if there was just one huge flower on my rubik's cube. i'm not alone. i have people around me. who care for me. and who will miss me if i'm gone.

why do i feel like i'm convincing myself. sigh. how did tonight end up like this.