mood: thinking. (this is going to be a long entry.)

so. the whole concept of heaven strikes me again. will i really go to heaven? i know it's the step of faith. but what happens when i go to heaven. is it true that i'll forget the ones who were unsaved? isn't that so sad. but u can't be sad in heaven. it's just not possible. but then so ur memory be erased? what if your husband was not saved. and u went to heaven. so the memories of ur husband will all be erased? it doesn't make sense.

and i remember really clearly in tj's church..the pastor said something like it is God who chooses to save us. so. it's all predestined? the 12000 from each tribe? but whatever happened to God choosing to save those who reach out to Him? does that still stand? does it mean to say it doesn't matter who u evangelise to..it's all decided already? that can't be. yet. i dunno. then there's the view that God stretches out his hand to whoever will reach out to Him. then isn't that us choosing God? sigh. *headache*. no wonder daniel said that these kinda things split churches.

God knew adam would sin. God knew He'd have to send Jesus. why Jesus? why not destroy everything and start over. SO many questions. so little answers. sigh. to worship God for all eternity. isn't it a long time. but yet. the concept of time. everything will be so diff in heaven. but to worship God for all eternity...without the people i hold dear...is that still heaven?