gah.

had ambulance run today. and there was this elderly gentleman who passed away at about 415pm..and by time the relatives called the ambulance and we arrived it was about like. 5pm. so he was obviously gone cuz he was cold and stuff. and the family members were around him. some sobbing. some wailing. and some trying to be strong. he had to be sent to the hospital to get his pacemaker out cuz it's protocol lah.

so he gets sent to the hospital. and they had to intubate him to take out the pacemaker. so the reg told some other medical students (shall not name names. not like it matters.) to intubate him. and they did. each one of them. making a grad total of i think 4-5 intubations. it was kinda used as practise lah. and all around the room there was talk of using used things and non-sterile things cuz he was gone anyway. and it would be a waste of resources.

i guess that's kinda true. and though i was (extremely) jealous that they got to intubate him. i was still a bit upset. like. i'm not upset with the doctors/reg for making that call to ask the medical students to practise intubating. i'm upset that we are forced to learn in this way. there is really no other way to learn. the best way for us to learn medicine is by practising on the dead. because you want to be at ur best when you're dealing with real lives and real patients who feel pain. i think it's extremely degrading to the patient (although theoretically no long there) to do that. but. what other choice do we have? i don't want to be stuck in a situation where i have to intubate a patient to save his life..but cuz i didn't want to intubate a dead guy..it's my first time and my chance of screwing up x100000. what can i do. it's not as simple as drawing blood. or setting up iv lines. those we can do on our friends. i would gladly let my friend iv me. and i'm sure most of them would do the same. but intubation? no way am i letting u sedate me just to intubate. i mean i would. but i think no doctor would authorize that. it's a rheotorical question really. i just abhor the fact that in my profession, the only way to learn is by practising on the dead (well at least for some things.)

and i almost asked God to harden my heart against these things. but then i stopped. because i do believe that the dead should still be given the utmost respect and everything. but. if i don't learn by 'using' the dead. then what's going to happen to all the living people who pass me by? gahhhhh.

maybe i'm just immensly jealous that they got to intubate and i didn't.