trying to be someone. trying to be someone that i would love.

hate this attitude of mine. hate the fact that i was so so contented with passing biochem at the end of the paper..and now that i see everyone else doing so much better..i just can't help but want more. did i not put in enough effort? well. i know i mugged hard for it. whether that's enough or not..well. in comparison, it's not. but why compare? since when did comparing do me any good? so i shall try to be happy. to be contented with God blessed me with. to be just really happy to pass and go on to year2.

i promised not to cry.

with keif gone for abt a wk..and the absense of school..suddenly there's no one to turn to. i'm not going to complain that i'm alone..cuz i know many would come and tell me that i'm not. so i should be really glad. but i dunno why i'm not. something's not right. and i know it. just don't know what it is.

tired of studying. tired of everything AGAIN. i hate myself leh. i keep complaining and bitching about the same old things. i never get over them. and i never rise up enough to overcome them. give me assignments! give me tutorials to do! give me something! dun just throw notes at me and tell me to mug them! i bet a lot of ppl are like wah sai. she's gone crazy again. but seriously. i would die for a physio tutorial or a pbl presentation to work on now. or like a maths paper! MATHS! yes! give me differentiation. or like simultaneous equations! though i would just totally die if u give me physics. but yes. i'm sick of just memorising things. and just mugging and mugging and mugging. and still getting SAI results. and whatever happened to being thankful ya. shit la.

cvs. respi. git. renal. endo. repro. GAH. don't even make me start listing out the biochem topics. and i have to STOP mugging anat. i'm being a joyce. with. worse results than her. hahahaa. oh well.

the world suddenly seems like a better place. i have God. i have keif. i have joyce. i have liting. i have yihui. i don't have thammy in hall. (haha.) i have loveloves. i have food. i have a whole stack of notes waiting to be jammed into my little cranium. and i have 3 wks! THREE. three is gd. come on tham! focus on the good! focus!

i've gone crazy.