sigh. should i stay next sem?

i love having friends&seniors around me who are always there. i love eating around friends every night. i love the friendships and bonds i've formed in this little place. i love getting to talk to keith till 750am before rushing to my 8am lecture. i love the privacy of my room. i love my room. i love studying in my room. i love the lifestyle that i've cultivated in ke7. i love the freedom that i have over my time. i love the fact that i i sleep at anytime i want to. i love the fact that i sleep alone in my room. i love the fact that no one touches my stuff and i find them exactly where i left them. i love the fact that there's no tv distracting me. i love the fact that besides sleeping and watching grey's anatomy and surfing the net and msn-ing, there's nothing much else to do in hall. i love the fact that i diligently study each day. i love the room i decorated. i love having my own space. i love calling this room MINE.

and yet.

i hate the mundane-ness of life. i hate my inflexible hall food life. i hate the fact that i have to go to sleep feeling hungry more often than not. i hate the fact that i'm really eating junk food just to make up for my hunger. i hate the fact that i eat the same food for breakfast, almost the same food for lunch and almost the same food for dinner. i hate the fact that i'm always hungry and have to eat every 2-3 hours. i hate the fact that the only way to get good solid food at night is either cupnoodles, or macdonalds. i hate the fact that both options are terribly unhealthy. i (well, kinda) hate not having my family around. (did i really just say that. i guess u can pick and choose which bits i hate and which i dun. hahaha...)

although it seems that i kinda love staying more than hate it..but the food thing is really driving me crazy. though. thinking abt going back to sharing a room and not having my own privacy and my own freedom kinda sucks. argh. i hate this decision. but think of it this way. whether i stay next sem or not, i'm not staying next year. so sooner or later i have to go back to all the things i hate abt home. that's my life. that's my home. shouldn't i learn to love it. but face it. i'm nv gonna get my own room. neither am i gonna have my own space. but then again. isn't that what being in a family is being about? sharing and loving each other's company. the willingness to share. and compromise. (although sometimes u have to step back more than the other person due to...respect issues. hahahaa...)

sigh. i dunno. hall life is great with the privacy and the freedom. but home life has food and family. though i really dun show it, but thinking back. every wkend when my mum drives me back...or even thru the wkend...its nice to tell someone about ur wk..and whine. and whine. and whine. or someone who'd go out for supper with u just cuz u were hungry and there was no food at home. or someone to kope food from when they order in. or someone to even cook a sandwhich for u, just the way you like it. wow. is ooodz actually missing home. somewhat i guess. but this doesn't really count as homesickness la. hahahaa.

i think somewhere in this post my thoughts about family matured. :)