just back from youth camp.

still feeling slightly blank. tons of thoughts running around in my head. and they're not stopping for me to think about. results in a 'thinking about a lot of things but still blank' mood. which is quite bad.

i think my perceptions have changed. what used to be totally not ok is now ok. and some things are just not defined that way. i've gotta learn and accept that. my definitions are like way too high standard.

and i'm SO way off drifting man. not just from Him. see. there go my definitions again. i'm back where i started. all over again. i don't know anymore man. it seems like i lost my last pillar of support that has been keeping me going.

but no way am i going into depression or something. what happed to the peace. left with the exams. what's there to see. go away. there's nothing left here for you.

are you sure we're ready to go? i can't even make it through youth camp. who are you to question Me?

overflow.

so this is me. the highly sensitive yet insensitive, highly insecure me. i'm sorry if i'm not someone you expected me to be. but i guess this is who i am. but that's such a pathetic excuse. it's no surprise to me if you're so totally disgusted with this side of me (if there's another side.) well. at least be glad to know that you're not the only one.

i nv really did feel secure. inside of me i knew that i was always going to be a loner. i always knew it. i guess i did grow more dependent.

well. it's time for me to get back on my feet. alone.