kill joy.

i remember mel/liting saying something abt this b4. at the katong chicken rice store. abt me being cynical. and spoiling the whole mood and everything. i remember it was abt bfs and friends. and at that time i was being really upset that i had no one close by. and. well. i just said wat i thought. and. ended up spoiling the mood. and being a kill joy.

and tj brought it up also. that like i'm a kill joy when i'm having a bad day and all. spoiling other ppl's day in the process.

i think i've changed. whether is for the better or for the worse is up to others to decide. i remember that i used to feel pissed off. but refused to tell anyone. cuz i didn't want to spoil their day. thinking back. i haven't said that line in a long long while. should i revert back to that? but there were so many times that i didn't share it with anyone. and ended up in my room alone crying my heart out to God. who helped but yet. it's diff. (no offence to God. thx for being there God.)

i remember fighting with myself. half of me wanted to blow up at the person. the other half of me didn't want to...cuz it felt wrong. well. the other half won most of the time. until the recent outburst after guitar. and i realized that after that incident. i blow up more easily. and i tend to just say the things i want to say. i've decided. i want the old me back. i want to be sensitive to ppl around me. to think b4 i speak (or try my best to) but it's hard ya.

i think i'm too sacarstic for my own good. believe me. i can be incredibly annoying and sacarstic when i'm really pissed off. b**chy too. but well. thankfully i only vent at ppl who are close to me. according to grace that is. so to whoever i've vented out at b4...u're close to me. at least u were at the point of time. hahaha. weird logic huh.

i'm not getting pissed off or anything. but somehow. typing this blog entry makes me feel more and more displeased with myself. like all my imperfections. like why can't i be sensitive. why can't i not be so sacarstic. why am i like almost obsessed with blowing up at ppl. (siao one.) is it a human nature? or is it just me.

and oddz says. it's just me. [always like that.]