who am i. a commonly asked question. tripping stone in many young lives. now. it's my turn to fall.

i'm not going to re-enact the 'everything is a facade' thing. it's not just everything. it's me. i'm like so convincing everyone that i'm someone that i'm not. it used to be a mask. a LONG time ago. some people would remember those times. but now that mask has grown into me. does that make me who i am?

going to church. being 'onz' in church. is that real? i'm sorry God for doubting all of this. but i've had this doubt for the longest time i can remember. listening to christian music. trying to think about God all the time. trying to keep up the image of a good christian. trying so hard to be something i'm not. sigh.

so. u think if i fake being nice long enough it'll grow on me? it's seldom that i do what i wanna do. for one. i know i really wanted to go on the mission trip. it was something that was true to my heart. everything about the mission trip was real. that. was really God's plan. praise Him for that.

but what about everything else? pretending to be happy all the time. pretending to be really deep in character when i'm really shallow. pretending that i'm thinking really hard while typing this blog. what if all the above words were fake.

you wouldn't even know the difference. how much of me do you know. how much of me do i know.

only You know.